In the movies, starting college is one of the most important and exciting moments of your life. Especially the moment when you’re moving into your first dorm room. The dorm room where you’ll live most of the next year, where all the magic happens, and most importantly of all where you meet her. The girl that you take those cute “Besties!” pictures with. The girl that reminds you that your first loser college relationship won’t be your last. The girl that’s supposed to be your closest friend throughout the years you spend at college. Yes, that girl.
But what if you never met that girl. What if, when you moved into your dorm room, you noticed all of her belongings with a twinge of discomfort. She had already moved in and was out on campus, and from the looks of it you didn’t share anything in common. What if, once your parents leave, you sat there in an awkward silence… wondering where and who your roommate was and what it was going to be like living with her in this 10×12 room for the next 9 months. What if, when you finally meet her, while she may be friendly you don’t quite click like you had hoped… and you live in an uncomfortable but cooperative silence for the next year.
That’s where I come in. I’m a girl that never found my BFF roommate, or for that matter any BFF on campus. While I do have close friends from highschool and my hometown, their life-path’s took them out of reach. And while I do have aquaintances on campus, our interests and schedules don’t quite flow the way I would hope.
It’s a strange feeling. You feel like a ghost that merely exists to get the job done. An outsider that hasn’t quite found her place. I’ve spent many hours thinking about why I felt so different than the rest of my peers. Was it my interests that diversed too greatly than those around me? Was it my crippling sense of shyness and anxiety that kept me from getting out there?
And then I realized, despite all these questions, that it didn’t matter… I had more important things to concern myself with than keeping up with a social life and that there were many benefits to not having obligations to close friends. Benefits such as:
- More time for your hobbies: Everyone in school, ranging from highschool to college, knows that there is a “Triangle of Balance” for the life of a student. A triangle that is supposed to be a joke, but has a hard ring of truth to it. With more time to yourself you have more time to pursue your hobbies.
- More time to focus on YOU: With extra time to yourself, you also have an excellent opportunity to steer yourself to a healthier or just different life-style. You might have time to figure out that gym routine you’ve been thinking about and get into shape. Whatever you try to do, the point is to do something that makes you happy. Spoil yourself, you deserve it.
- Time to set your priorities: College is a difficult time to figure out what you’re going to do for the rest of your life and most of your decisions are crucial to that future. Maybe now, you want to set your interests and hobbies in a completely different direction than what you did before. This task is a lot easier when you’re just focusing on you and not on those around you.
- Less time dealing with drama: Drama is so time and energy consuming that without it you might feel light as a feather. Unfortunately when it comes to groups of friends there is often a role of drama that comes with them, and when you’re in college or just going through this thing called life you just don’t have time for it. Drop all that dead, negative energy and do what you want without worrying what drama it might stir up (you know the kind where your friends go “You’ve changed so much! What happened!?” and try to control you).
- Becoming independent: Personally, having a group of friends had always been a emotional crutch for me. Dealing with social anxiety is no easy task, but it is good to push yourself out of your comfort zone every once in a while! Don’t be afraid to fly solo and go out alone… you might even meet some new people while you’re out!
To the girl that never found her roomie bff… In the end, not finding that one bff or college group of friends is a disappointing and often a difficult thing to come to terms with, but I promise it’s not all bad! As you can see there are many benefits to not having those social obligations. Keep your head up and keep doing you!